My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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