direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
