guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
