Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
