so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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