We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
