yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
