Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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