Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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