right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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