Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
