can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
