I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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