great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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