I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
