dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We left the knife in your bed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
