I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
