All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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