What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
