i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
