found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
