Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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