First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
