No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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