u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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