Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
