I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
