it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
