i jhust puked up my retainher.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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