we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
