She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
