I puked a lego.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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