i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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