woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
