Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize