for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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