I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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