just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
