there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
