Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize