His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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