don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
