I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
