why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
