Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
