"it" just moved
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
