our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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