just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
