I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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