I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
