She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
