I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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