I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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