So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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