They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
