I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
