Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
