my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Vodka?
Forever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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