I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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