Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
