is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
