I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
