Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
