Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
