I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
