Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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