kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
