It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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